MIRROR MIRROR Review

Release Date: March 30, 2012
MPAA Rating: PG
Director: Tarsem Singh
Film Pulse Score: 2/10

Sometimes there are movies that shock you into different worlds and take you on a journey to a never before seen land that changes the way you think about film, about life, about the human condition.  Sometimes you leave the theater, uplifted by spending an engaging hour and a half in the dark, uncovering more about yourself than you’d thought possible and when you step outside and the sunrays bathe your face in warmth, you realize something you never thought before about existence.  Tarsem Singh’s Mirror Mirror is, by far, the farthest thing away from any experience like that or anything similar to a stimulating theater experience and offers no means of entertainment unless your idea of fun is sticking a fork in your eye over and over again.

Mirror Mirror opens with a voiceover by Julia Roberts’s Evil Queen, explaining all the facts and story elements that everyone knows if they have ever heard of Snow White.  Explaining Snow White’s beginnings, played with dripping innocence by Lily Collins, and who her dad was etc., etc., we, as an audience, learn that White’s dad was killed in battle and the kingdom is in ruins and run poorly (literally and figuratively) by the Evil Queen; who isn’t so much evil as she is just a selfish priss.

The movie tries to be different and have moments where the Queen is aware of the tried storytelling but these moments are few and far between and don’t make up for the waste of—dear god, I hope they didn’t shoot on—film.  The Prince, played by Social Network’s Armie Hammer, is introduced and supposed to be that huzzah that we want but his performance falls short and feels like a caricature rather than a character.

There are other actors sprinkled in the movie that make it enjoyable to watch (I won’t unveil some, just check IMDb) but to me, Singh hasn’t proven himself to validate having such big names in his movies.  The only movie in his repertoire that could go on as ‘good’ would be The Fall.  And I would consider The Cell if you took out the acting.

Again, I am shown that Hollywood either does not care about what represents them anymore or there are holes in distribution and somehow this managed to squeeze past unnoticed, but it pains and hurts me to know that this is something that can charge $10 at the door and get away unscathed.  Here, I’ll make a deal, I’ll make dinner, you bring 10 bucks, and then I’ll punch you in the face.  It’ll be better than seeing Mirror Mirror or I’ll refund your money back guaranteed.