‘Stand Up Guys’ Review

Release Date: Feb 1 2013
Director: Fisher Stevens
MPAA Rating: R
Film Pulse Score: 3.5/ 10

The premise for Stand Up Guys is fantastic.  Val (Al Pacino) has just been released from a 28 year prison sentence.  Doc (Christopher Walken), his best friend and former partner, has been ordered to kill Val — or else he, his family, and Val will all be killed.  The two spend one final night together before one best friend must murder the other.  It has the makings of a gritty but touching memoir of a friendship between criminals, or perhaps a twistedly dark comedy.

But it’s not.

And it’s sad too.  Al Pacino, Christopher Walken, and Alan Arkin are legends.  But anyone looks bad with mediocre dialogue and abysmally low stakes.

We should care that Doc is losing his only friend.  We should care that Val about to be killed by his.  But we don’t.  And we don’t really feel that sense of impending doom.  The murder is coming.  It can’t be stopped; it must happen; it will happen.

The movie plods on at a dull, steady pace.  Every scene feels about two minutes too long.  And very few accomplish much of anything.  Most of the movie seems to simply be an attempt at wish fulfillment for older men wanting to continue to feel tough and relevant.  But writer Noah Haidle tries too hard and ends up creating bizarre moments that make the movie feel like it has no basis in reality.

In one scene early in the film, while Doc and Val are at a bar, Val approaches some pretty twenty-something girls.  He is gross and comes across like a dirty old man; so, of course, they throw a drink in his face.  Moments later, he returns to the same group of girls — this time sweet and genuine.  He asks if one of them will dance with him.  Just a dance, he says, and he promises not to try to take them home with him, or try to kiss them or anything.  One of them agrees — and I can buy this.  She’s being nice.  But in the middle of the dance, she leans in close, puts her head on his shoulder, and closes her eyes.  It doesn’t really make any sense.  Keep in mind, Val is old enough to be her grandfather and he was just gross enough to her to get a drink thrown in his face.

The movie is riddled with moments like this.  Val, Doc, and especially their buddy Hirsch (Alan Arkin) spent the entire move hitting on women a quarter of their age, beating up men half their age…and succeeding.  Gorgeous women are enthralled with them.

Additionally, the plot is fueled by ridiculous coincidences, but still manages to keep the stakes extremely low.  Not much happens in the first hour of the film.  And then…not really much happens after that either.  Which is sad, because with this cast and the cool premise that the movie promises…it could have been a great film.