THEY’RE WATCHING Review

Release Date: March 25, 2016 (Limited and VOD)
Directors: Jay Lender, Micah Wright
MPAA Rating:  NR
Run Time: 95 Minutes

Just when I think I’m done with found-footage horror movies, they drag me back in, this time with a particularly mediocre entry by the name of They’re Watching. While the payoff may be more grandiose than similar genre entries I’ve seen, that doesn’t make it any less unbearable.

From the trailer, viewers might think they’re getting into something of a horror-comedy with They’re Watching, but while there are some laughs to be had, they were surely not what the filmmakers may have intended. Tell me if you’ve heard this one before: a group of douche-y Americans head to Eastern Europe only to become terrorized by the locals who may or may not be religious psycho killers. Yes, the originality begins early in this one.

A group of four home-makeover reality show crew members head to Moldova in order to shoot a follow-up to an episode that aired six months prior, in which an American artist and her boyfriend purchase a dilapidated house on the outskirts of a small village. Characters include the typical, horny annoying dickhead; the always-bitchy, sailor-mouthed boss lady; the hot new girl who’s learning the ropes; and the dreamy prince charming, grappling with PTSD after a stint as a news cameraman in Afghanistan. Like so many of these films before it, these characters are completely devoid of any real human qualities and act more like actors than genuine people in genuine peril.

In addition to the unrealistic performances, the rules of found footage are non-existent, something that quickly gets under my skin in this genre and often prevents me from gaining any enjoyment from the narrative. Although in this case, even if the found-footage elements were removed, we’d still be left with an uninteresting horror movie that never even attempts to bring something new to the table.

Multiple cameras of differing resolution were used, yet the entire film contains one consistent look, even when they supposedly use GoPros. I do give them credit for at least attempting to explain how this footage was cut together, but this explanation was shaky at best and doesn’t work if you spend any amount of time thinking about it.

The finale was definitely the most entertaining aspect of the film, as I was fully expecting a slow burn for an hour and a half followed by five minutes of horror. For the most part this is true, but the last ten minutes get pretty wild. While it might have been a bit overambitious, I was surprised at how crazy shit got, a decidedly bright spot in an otherwise slog of a movie.

Unfortunately, this climax proved to be too little too late, and They’re Watching has now been assimilated into the part of my brain where all the generic found-footage movies wind up, merging into one indistinguishable mass of digital glitches and boredom.